The Fire within

The fire, refers not to passion, heatiness or the holy spirit. It refers to the hatred within me that i want to lament about in this article. Yes, any normal individual will experience this feeling and it's probably not a concern if one is able to maintain proper control over it and not let this feeling overcome ones' action, speech and thinking. Yet on my side of the argument, i feel that as im about to finish my national service at a certain place which cannot be mention due to the possibility of defamation suits, the anger experienced these two years have been kept inside my heart not realising that i have low inability to let out this feeling.

Of course im grateful to God that he placed me in such an ideal setting that is properly the best vocation ever for any NSFs, i still feel angry beacuse i do not like to be bullied, manipulated, used or forced to do stuff that i do not like such as the compulsory greetings of higher ranks etc. But that's just insignificant compared the misused of rank power, the degrading eyes which i always felt being issued to me, the petty complains and jealousy felt by other NSFs etc. i just don't understand why some of my camp friends are soo jealous that they have to resort to name callings and casting irksome looks, what's there to jealous about? Yes, im basically given almost no work for long periods of time, it's not that i didn't ask for work or im lazy for that matter, i did ask, but there isn't really any work to be given to me, so what can i do to satisfy these green eyes monkeys? Beg for work? Maybe, but i don't beg. Self volunteer to do extra work? Maybe, but i already made a commitment never to do more then i'm given because i hate the organisation and have really no interest in what they say,do,plan or think. My interest and theirs' are worlds apart. Soo maybe the blame can be on me "heck" caring about them. But i still do see the point.

Of course those name callings like "Ivan is lazy" wasn't said outright in my face as most cowardly gossips are, but i've spys planned in almost every department in this camp, these spies could also be the ones instigating on such gossips and ill-talks but who cares, as long as i know who are the ones bad talking about me that's more then enough to me.

Another thing that angers me even more is that fat egg whose name i also cannot say, talks soo god-damn loud inthe office, noxious and inconsiderate like a buffoon on the lose. Although these two years, our paths have not crossed until last week , it was the very first time i and him disagreed on a certain matter which revolves around me taking off for my Birthday . Too, cut the long story short, to me, he abused his authority and forced me to accept punishment that is established on very weak basis, he didnt let me finish my argument , let alone allow me to justify my case, speaking soo loudly that even the sleeping crows outside my office woke up.
Every sentence that came out from my mouth was rudely interrupted and ignored. Is this what the next generation leader is all about? What about those philosophical lessons that you keep repeating to others? Like "treat others like you treat yourselves" "Listening is one vital aspect in life" tsk tsk, come to think of it, that fat egg is damn hypocritical.

Yet the bible says, that one should look at their own faults first then onto others (something about the plunk in your own eyes and the speck in others) , didnt i just called someone a "fat egg" despite really looking like one? Why can't i deal with people who rub me the wrong way properly ? Like forgiveness and stuff.. hiaz.

I properly need to reserach more on how to deal with diffuclt people , because in my world, im very sure there will be alot more shit heads to deal with .