WHATS wrong with me

Seriously.. i dun know what is FUcking wrong with me.. last 3 weeks i was desiring to go to China .. and now.. im feeling homesick and experiencing extreme cultural shock.even before the trip. Why like that.. i thought this mental illness was gone already.. aiyo.. soo sian.. its back again.. i seriously need professional help when i come back.. sian.. the thing is .. other people like Brian, aveline etc etc.. are all excited about the trip.. and im here worrying that im going to die in CHINA.. sian..yes the ivan you all knew is not perfect.. i have flaws too and they are mental ones. i KNOW I should not be like tat , its not natural.WHY God !.. why did you put this problem in my life.. how im i supposed to go army like tat or climb mt everest for that matter. I love to travel yes i really do.. but i miss home , home as in the usual places like SP, My room , My hamster, My usual hangouts etc etc. im soo scared that i will lose my english standard over there, im also scared that i'll get SARS and other related diesease or end up in a haunted Room CHOY.. *cries* who can understand me? im soo scared to tell my friends and family about this problem.until now.. im soo frasturated i need to write this in my blog. If you all know some one or some where to go for mental conselling perharps or medication plz tell me and send me via email.. but dun misunderstood im not mentally unstable rather i have this HOME sickness thing that is 4-5 times greater then normal people's homesickness ya.. sian.. and i also pray to GOD to not onli take care of me but my ploy results which will be coming out soon.. ok.. im going off to CHINA liao.. bye ~rex