Enlightenment!

Its been a long time since i blog anything personal in my life. Been busy with a lot of stuff like planning what to invest next, researching on how to value Reits, learning more about the finnancial world and commincation skills. Recently, these pass few mths, i have been feeling rather jumpy about myself, there were many negative feelings such as jealous/envy/hatred and anger. Very obvious why im developed these feelings... NS.. damn it.. i always feel i hv wasted my entire two years, serving these people, doing things i don't like etc. The feeling of jealousy probably came from some of my friends..a particular group to be precised, their rich and they countiue to get richer, they can invest a lot, they know many things, their more experienced, respected etc etc, i feel damn jealous and envious, and with these feelings, i always ask myself , can i do better? Can i be like them one day? I fear i might lead a boring life, i fear i become an AVERAGE ASIAN, i fear that i will not be respected , i fear i might not be able to make a million bucks next time and of course i feel lonely, not beacuse i dont have friends, i have them , plenty, but i feel i lack good friends who really care about each other (people like Xiao Shi and my cousin).. again "good" is subjective soo just leave it as that.

So one evening while walking back from camp, this beautiful BMW run passed me, i feel all jealous again.. then i stop for a min and ask myself.. why the heck im i like that? Why feel soo upset over a damn car? Why is my mind soo chaotic?Why is my life soo F**ked up? I suddenly felt soo pathetic..soo many questions i cannot answer, but then again there might not be a need for these answers , all i need to do was to pray, this sudden thought came to my mind.. soo ok lor. I stated a short prayer, asking God these answers, and of course i didnt get anything vocal out of that prayer, there was slience after that, but i suddenly felt assured and comfortabled. As i continued to walk back home, a sudden realisation hit me, i remembered reading some where before, that my exsistence on earth is not about me, but it's ALL ABOUT GOD. I realised that i was too arrogant, self centred and self expecting too much, that is why everything is going chaotic and felt not right, i also realised that many (in fact all) of my friends are arrogant , they work, study, invest, talk soo hard bascially for themselves..and the worse one is none other then me, the person who felt jealous over these people who put themselves on the throne! That's how pathetic im, i really have to set my paroties right, not to put myself on the throne, but Jesus. I have to die inside every singal day according to the bible. Its not easy, but im trying. Beacuse when i first came into these world, my main goal was to get to heaven right? Yeah.. (self answering) soo in order to do that is thru knowning and believing in Him, sorry mistake again, is to love him first.

Yet God also expects me to do my best and be good at what i do soo, there also shouldnt be not excus why i can't lead an exciting life, or earn a million bucks or having many good friends, those are important no doubt, but what really matter is my relationship with him and all these "thing" will be added onto me? Well, guess i have to read up more.. :]