2010 is over, now moving on to 2011

Wow, how time flies. It's already end of 2010 coming to 2011, another year more im am estimate to graduate from NUS!!! (Depending of course whether i take honest or not)by 2012 i would probably have a degree waiting to enter into a good job /business which ever, but seriously can you imagine after you graduate the world is going to end in 12/12/2012? Quite lame right, hence i refuse to believe such rubbish that the world is going to end at such a date. Nevertheless coming back to 2011, i look forward to next year, as alot of exciting events will be happening. My book, another business and online business etc. Of course there are problems yet to be solved like PJ0. The more i think of this business, the more indifferent i get, so much effort has been pour into this public speaking business and at this stage im losing passion for it, to be honest my current members have the potential to make it big, they are smart, talented and hardworking, however something is lacking in them..which lies somewhere between commitment and pro-activeness. This includes doing last min work, only doing things that have been instructed, not going beyond own duties. As such, i blame myself for allowing this, perhaps i really lack the proper leadership skills required to motivate them and myself..i think i should better do something about this...or maybe not? Should i just give up? Why im i giving up? Every time i think about PJ0 i think about MIP and the value brothers, are we copying them? Or just becoming a watered down version of theirs..this of course is unacceptable and i really dun see myself following their footsteps, this is really one heck of a problem that i must face when the time comes, either we go all out or not at all.

On a brighter note, ever since i wrote my last entry, i realize i was going thru a lot of tough times but one key important decision i made was to trust God. As it turns out, i didn't really end up having the shortest straw, in fact all those bad events turned out pretty well and i have God to thank for. Can you believe when i sat for Managerial Accounting (somebody say EEEE) the final exam 70% of the paper i do not know how to do and yet i manage to get an overall B for it, seriously miracle sia..and the rest of the modules.. well very very good is all i can say =]

2010 worst highlight was having to go thru Managerial Accounting

and best highlight was going to Taiwan with my brothers, the trip was excellent, never had soo much fun before. Thank God for them. =] PS tml 1/1/2011 im going to send matt off for his SEP and many other friends, wish them all the best and mercy journey (this is so that i can keep track of what has happen)

As i leave 2010 behind, moving pass of those hurts, disappointments, loneliness, giving thanks to all the opportunities given to me, all the love shown to me, all the new friends i have met, i lookforward to more trails and adventure that lies a head. Im going to change my personality drastically to be friendlier, more confident, more outspoken and more proactive. Cheers ^_^v

The short end of the stick.

Have you seen movies or stories which show of a group of people gathered together to decide who does the dirty work? A solution would probably always be to draw sticks. The person with the shortest stick will be chosen to do the task everyone is trying to avoid, take for example, the movie "Amagadon" the person who has the shortest stick have to stay behind and push the atomatic bomb to destory a destructive comet heading to earth.
That's exactly how i feel nowadays in school. I feel im always the unlucky one recieving the "shortest" stick. Why i feel so? Simple. The midterm papers have just ended for me. Ive got back all the results. MA below average, Econs average at best, Fin well done. You see, 2 out of 3 papers, i didnt do soo well, escpially for MA..i really want to say..fck this module, i spent the entire 2weeks studying for this module and in the end my results like shit, yes i know myself, im not particularly good at operations since the begining (Operational management) yucks to both topics, but the least i gave my best.. apprently my best isn't enuff and i envy people who can immediately get the concept right the first time and score 49/50 for the test!! I wonder what this people eat also..haha. But the thing is, i just don't like to be belong average or let alone be average, i desire to be the top, i desire to do well
I hunger for growth and power.. to be very frank the greatest fear to me is not cockroaches (yes im still scared) but is being average.. yes i hate this word average, i refuse to live simply, i refuse to be label as middle income , of couse this is not to say living simply and middle income is bad, it's just that i desire more.. to be acedamically well, financial free, impacting people etc. One of the things i dislike about my mum, is that she always tell people and me to live simply, this doesnt suit me at all..definately not.

But it seems that no matter what i do, how hard working or focus i am, i just seem to end up getting the short end of the stick..why is this so? Why god? Why is my academaic interlligence only soo much? Sometimes i even ask myself "im i really stupid?" "Do i belong in this school in the first place?" these indeed are negative thoughts and i try my very best to stop thinking such things. But sometimes it can;t be helped, my GPA is already trying to hit 2nd upper and banks they want is the minimum above second upper..wth. I have fears that i might be unemployable or worse end up in an average job.. damn. Perhaps this is where faith comes in, faith in the lord that he will provide whether thru business or employment or investments and guide my life. The future for me seems quite uncertain.. i don;t know what i really like or passionate about, i don't know whether my GPA will maintain or raise or fall, i don't know whether the current businesses im in is the right path, i don't know if im really qualified to be in this school etc soo many uncertainties. Sometimes it's really sad to realize you are not in the same ledge as others in terms of academaic and smartness. Seriously, im not happy in school, i havent been happy since the trip in tawian. I feel the things im doing is to meet expectations, i dont like it!.

But i have to reaffrim myself, that i am indeed "smart" yes i am.. i am SMART beacuse to realize that im not smart enough and reaffirming it, to counter the negativity , is indeed a smart move itself.. get it? lol. Coming back to the problems im facing, i will do my best again, perhaps try a different study style? i don;t know.. People who watch the anime bleach will realize this is the same problems many acrancars go thru , like they eat many other hollows can still cannot evolve into an espada. How can i reach this espada stage? I want to know..i really do!!!
something i wish i can have someone to talk to this about,someone who knows what im going thru , im i being spoiled? Im i being reactive? im i doing something wrong? Tell me plz.. tell me the right way and i will definately do it. I wish i had "him" back, though we have gotten quite apart recently, i wish i can go back in time to change somethings that happened between us (and perhaps put all my money into genting stocks..lol) but i can't turn time , the only way now is for me to move forward and trust the lord. And if i can send one sentence to Jesus now, this would be it "Hey God, help me to trust you and direct my thinking , my business, my book,studies ,investments and my life..surprise me plz!" amen.

Back to school

"The best investment to start with, is the asset between your right and left ear..your brain"

Life's dream.

Today church’s service was by far the most enlightening message I’ve ever received. It was sort of unexpected when I hear Pastor Kong said that he will be referring to a Christmas story in the bible, I expected something typical and plain but guess what..i was so damn wrong! I have to be honest, that I’ve underestimated the “Christmas story” from verses (Luke 1: 30 to Luke 2: 52) which depicts the happenings between Mary-Birth of Jesus and the angels talking to her. The main topic of the sermon was “Life’s dream” how to make it successful and meaningful. Many a times we (especially Singaporeans) are thought to strive it big out there, to earn tons of money, to lead a successful and rich life in order to feel good about one’s self and other will respect you..respectively. Another school of thought is to live simply and enjoying life as it is. Search your inner peace, live happily, contented, plain and simple is good do not care what others think of you etc
I’m a type of person that cannot live simply to be frank, I prefer much the latter school of thought , which is to strive for big things. But then again, I’ve seen people who are deemed “big” in life living miserablely , having make so much money but still not really happy inside(yes this is very true), I’ve also seen people because of making it that big, their egos turn them into haughty monsters with demeaning eyes, in addition people who just like to live simply, not having goals, pointless in whatever they do, they lead a boring uneventful life, bluffing themselves that life is like that, not giving a shit about what people think about them is also one situation I would want to avoid leading my life into. So since both sides of living the prefect life have their weaknesses, which type of life should I go for? That was today sermon all about. The pastor highlighted the importance of achieving a dream from GOD, by following that dream, will lead you to a better if not a perfect life. So the very first step is to

1) Get your dream from GOD (Luke 1:30-33)
In order to succeed in life, you got to get a vision /dream from none other than our creator GOD/Jesus. Having said that, you need to first have an encounter with Jesus, which is what I managed to wrote down. What I think the pastor is trying to say here is to constantly repent (because sin draws you away from God) and make an effort to draw closer to GOD by reading his word, lovingly him wholeheartedly, building a relationship with him and then ask him for a dream, a purpose, your purpose, what are you supposed to do on earth in accordance to his will.

2) Asking God for a strategy (Luke1: 34) The pastor talked about asking God through prayer, like which school should go to? What subjects should I take? Which career should I choose? etc Ask him to open doors for you not you opening doors for yourselves. Perhaps then it is best to always pray before making major decisions in your life. In addition, once that opportunity or door is open, or going to open you must have faith that it is the right path for you. Having childlike faith is important, shows that you trust him with your life.


3) Let the Holy spirit come upon you (Luke 1:35) With regards to praying, there are many forms of prayers, it could be casual like just talking to God, telling him how you feel about this, gossiping to him about certain people etc lol..another type will be serious praying, pray until you break into the spiritual realm, like what pastor Kong said about him spending 30mins speaking in tongues until he focused on God without any distractions in his mind. I find his revelation about “pray until you enter into the spirit realm” quite fascinating. I’ve never prayed like that before, could always try. Also mentioning about speaking in tongues, the main purpose of doing so is not for others to hear you speaking it but to allow the holy spirit to enter your soul. Constantly speaking in tongues will allow the holy spirit to guide you in life easily as time goes by. I must admit, until now I cannot speak in tongues, I always pray with understanding , I find tongues very hard to achieve because I’m a very logical person , perhaps again I should give this a try. =D

4) Balance. Next is this step whereby you need to have a balance between being spiritual and knowing and applying the word. Some people are so spiritual that they are so obsessed with getting slain, constantly crying and getting deliverance, they are people who everyday they claim to see angels and hear voices in their heads. On the other hand one also cannot be so obsessed with the word, they are people memorizes the bible and easily shoot out verses at a moment’s notice, having their hearts so stone cold that they are not sensitive to the holy spirit or God. Just like eating everything in balance is important, so does one have to have a balance between two important aspects of being a true Christian.

5) Surrender to the will of GOD, trusting him by having faith. This point is the most enlightening among the 7 steps, it basically asking you, that at the end of the day GOD must be more important than your dreams, desire and your blessings. If you get a vision from God telling you to follow this path in life, can you do it without any guarantee of having a blessing? Even if there is no financial blessing by following the path chosen for you, will you still obey? Pastor Kong said that, even if there is no heaven, him walking with Jesus alone is MORE THAN ENOUGH! Wow!

6) You will face threats of losing your dream (Luke 2: 42-44) This is a short point he shared , that there will be attacks, trails and tribulations, events, happenings, problems created by yourselves or Saturn to derail you from your dream, what is important that you always come back to the house of the Lord and be deeply rooted in the bible. Therefore I always pray to God to help me love his word despite it being a bit boring during some of the chapters Ive read.


7) Finally the last point is that God’s dream will grow and increase in your life. (Luke 2:52)
God doesn’t want you to live a plain normal life AMEN! That what i really want to hear, beacuse im soo scared to lead a boring plain life. He wants me to be a world shaker, a history maker for his kingdom. Sounds more like the first school of thought yeah? This time however if God is really incharge of your life, you’ve have a dream or vision from him, to know which direction or path to take on, I strongly believe nothing will overcome you for he is greater inside of you then he who is outside? Something along that line..LOL.. a merry Christmas to all and a warm and welcoming new year ahead! ^^

University of Stress.

Today im be sharing with my readers somethings that are not soo pleasing to me since entering into uni. At first i was looking forward to uni, having thought that NS will a pure waste of my time and wanting to move forward with my life. Thinking that life will be much better in NUS then in NS, but i was dead wrong. It seems there is almost no difference in the level of suffering whether you add in a "U" between the "N" and "S".

Ever since entering into uni, the work pile just slams right into your face, projects, presentations, group discussion, research work, report reviewing, essay writing are ENDLESS! Not only that, the tutorials and lectures are fast and difficult to understand. All these with the grace of God, im can manage (bearly actually)... what makes my suitation worse is that many students in school are doing much better then me, they are soo damn smart , some of my friends don't even bother to come to lectures and yet can scored very well for their mid term whereas my results are borderline 50-60/ 100 marks <-- shocking arh.. yes i did study, i spend many hours studying ,doing projects , reviewing hmk etc and yet my results are disappointing.

Sometimes i feel very left out in terms of intellect , how can some of my friends be able to enjoy sch CCAs like ruby, mountain climbing, dragon boat, investment clubs and yet be able to do soo well? Some are able to grasp what the lecturer is saying immediately , some are soo damn rich they really dun give a damn because they can fall back on the pile of $ that their parents left for them. Sometimes i can;t help it, i swell up with envy and jealous , even though i keep a smiling poker face everytime some idiot ask me "hows you're result arh? I got full marks you know?"

I must also admit, i feel stupid at times, i have thoughts like do i really deserve a place here? Im going to drop out soon ..

But like always, God and his word is always there, to not only comfort me but show me the right direction.

What im going through now, are one of the many trails in my life. Perhaps the lessons i going to learn or have learnt from entering uni is this

1)Learning how to cope with arrogant people

-the way they talk, act, showoff, can i control my own emotions being around these people? How will i react? Can i learn not to feel jealous or envious? I really need to STOP comparing with others, for others have their own strengths and i have my own.

2)Learning to deal with disappointments

-Results are already like that, ive tried my best, i will try harder, i must not give up, trusting the God, whether im going to drop out or not, whether i get all Bs and Cs on my result slip, whether i'll be able to take honors, it doesn't really matter, what really matters is whether i tired my best NOT for my own achievements but for God's glory (this law is damn hard to apply btw ) If everything im going to do is for God's glory, then there will not be a need to feel jealous at all.

3)Increase inner endurance and determination to move on despite the disappointments

-Perhaps then these mountain of workload is to help me manage my time well, to study the important points, to quicken my understanding, to be able to think quicker, to learn to cope with mental study stress and i must not insult God to think that im a stupid person. For stupidity comes in many forms like not learning from life's trails and tribulation, blinded by past achievement and own arrogance.

4)Reminding that im just a steward , that nothing on this earth actually belongs to me.

Trails and tribulations in life are always there, God wants me to experience these situations so that i may develop inner endurance (Perseverance) , to drill in the fact that we are stewards on this earth and to cultivate more of my faith.

Im i saying all these to comfort myself? Maybe.. but i want to be able to be like Job, when he was suffering terribly in his time, he not only not curse God, but continue to give praise, he came out of his situation a matured & doubly blessed man. I want to be like those three who got thrown into the hot furnace and wasn't harm because of their faith, in turn impacting the people around them.

I have indeed alot of learn, there are more trails coming as my uni's final year exam is coming next mth, how will i react, what will i do? . (soo damn fast, ive only been in uni for like 2mths...) God please... i ask only for one thing help me get thru this by giving my more faith.

It's as simple as that(Purposes of life)

* We were planned for God’s pleasure, so your first purpose is to offer real worship.
* We were formed for God’s family, so your second purpose is to enjoy real fellowship.
* We were created to become like Christ, so your third purpose is to learn real discipleship.
* We were shaped for serving God, so your fourth purpose is to practice real ministry.
* We were made for a mission, so your fifth purpose is to live out real evangelism.

Johor TBC